It is extremely challenging to be born and raised in a family with a mentally disabled sibling. I have to process very difficult emotions since childhood like worrying about what was wrong with my sibling, worrying whether I will become disabled, feeling neglected by overburdened parents, anger at the loss of parental attention and guilt for feeling this anger, resent the extra demands placed on me by a disabled sibling, embarrassment when with peers because of teasing, as well as embarrassment about sibling's actions.
It also becomes very difficult for you to handle any emotions except positive ones because in childhood most of the negative emotions were related to your sibling. But due to the special love and care you have for your sibling because of their vulnerability and selfless love towards you, you feel incredibly guilty for having any negative emotions about them since it is not OK to be angry, embarrassed or resent a person who is disabled. So this guilt will make you develop a habit of keeping these negative emotions buried instead of resolving them like children in healthy families do.
There is also no means for you to resolve them even if you want to. At least parents will seek comfort through talking with others. You can't talk about your conflicting emotions with your parents since you know your parents already had enough on their plates. You can't talk with your friends especially throughout your childhood, because they simply cannot relate or understand. These are way too many emotions for a child to handle alone and those will scar your soul deeply.
So if I appear to be too proud of myself, it is because I'm. I'm proud of the person I'm today amid everything I had to deal with and still dealing with...🙂🤗
No comments:
Post a Comment